Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

My brother and I were notorious for never putting our dirty underwear and socks in the laundry basket.

After what must have seemed to her like years of scolds and threats, my mother got so tired of this habit that she began to stuff the dirty clothes under our pillows thinking that we would find this offensive if not offensively odiferous.

Being refractory to the hint and still not understanding the implication that our behavior was recidivist, we both chalked it up to a strange maternal laundry error and just threw the socks and jocks on the floor. This was also not to mention the fact that our years of poot catching had probably made our olfactory neurons impervious to certain smells.

But “Poots on the Ground “apparently was the last straw. The next night as we crawled into bed with our dirty socks and shit stained briefs lying on the floor, and just as peaceful slumber set in, the lights went on like floods in a prison yard, my mother stormed into the room, made us both get out of bed, forced us to pick up the underwear in our teeth, crawl to the bathroom on our hands and knees to then deliver it to the laundry basket. She said:

  • If you want to live like pigs, you can also act like pigs.

I thought it was more like having to deal with a good mule. Even though once you do get him started and he works very hard all day long, sometimes you have hit him on the head first with a two-by-four just to get his attention.


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