Dumb and Dumber

Summer Friends and Summer Not

This incident falls into the category of extremely dumb lack of judgement. It was told by my Aunt Jean from Texas visiting Southampton one summer. She observed that when my friends and I water-skied, we would slalom from a standing start in about two feet of water. This avoids having to be pulled up out of deep water with one ski which causes wobbling and significant water drag. It also obviates having to use two skis and then dropping one off.

The trick is to balance on the back foot with several coils of rope in one hand and the tow bar in the other, then while holding the single ski up with the front foot as the boat throttle is gunned. The slack gets taken up and one is catapulted immediately to the surface. Engine speed and the amount of coil are critical to success and prevention of upper extremity dislocations. It is also of critical importance that one actually knows how to slalom-ski.

The routine reminded her of an incident she had witnessed involving two idiotic  black men she had been watching on the beach at Corpus Christi, Texas. They were water skiing with a high-powered inboard Chris Craft. One of the men had never water skied, but was being tutored by the friend in the boat, who had a predetermined idea on how to ensure instant results.

After several failed attempts at the conventional method of being pulled up out of the water, he decided to start his friend on the beach instead, by having his buddy stand in the skis, on the sand, with his hands rope-tied to the towline at his wrists.

The driver yelled back:

  • Are ya ready ski cat?

The bold reply being;

  • Let er go daddy-o.

With that the man was launched off the beach into the water, then dragged long enough to fracture one of his ankles, both of his wrists and to dislocate both of his shoulders.

Luckily his friend stopped the boat before he drowned or received half an ocean’s worth of a super sized saltwater enema up another vulnerable orifice.


With friends like that, who needs friends?


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