The Genetics of our Founding Father

Our Founding Father 

Women participating in the U.S. female liberation movement always deplore the macho or masculine undercurrents attached to our western ways of thinking.

After all, it is a man’s world, is it not? However, there are two things that might make them feel better: Taking a hard look at Radical Muslim treatment of women instead; and boning up on several unique facts about human genetics.

First, even though it is the male sperm that determines gender, it is the female of the species that determines whether one has sex in the first place. If a woman is not interested, there is no way in hell you will ever be able to get into her pants; unless by brute force; which happens to be a felony.

Secondly, all of us have only maternal DNA in our mitochondria, the small intracellular particles that house the engines that drive cellular metabolism. This means we can all trace ourselves back to the ‘original mother,’ Eve, so like it or not, we all have a huge genetic repository that should make it infinitely easier for men to identify with their feminine side. So, it’s O.K. guys. When those feminine urges sometimes overpower your thinking, you don’t have to keep fighting them off. And yes, it is even all right to occasionally cry.

Third; female eggs (X) control fertility, while male sperm (X or Y) controls gender. XY is a male and XX is a female. XXY can exist, but YY cannot.

The chromosomal pattern of YY is not genetically possible which is fortunate for all of us then, because this guy would undoubtedly be a real prick, or possibly just have two of them.

  • Mommy, why does Johnny’s head look like a banana?
  • How many times do I have to tell you he’s one of those psychotic in-bred peckerheads?

Last, but not least, George Washington, is felt to have had Klinefelter’s Syndrome, a genetic anomaly that gave him a chromosomal pattern of XXY.

This pattern results in a large, round, soft, effeminate looking male with smooth skin, little facial hair, large breasts, and a small penis attached to shrunken infertile testicles; all of which may account for why Washington never had children. The overall appearance of a Klinefelter victim roughly resembles that of the Pillsbury Doughboy.

This genetic mishap may also account for Washington’s well balanced, undistracted thinking and why his even-handed temperament prevailed as he provided inspiration during the darkest days of the American Revolution.

He did not have to worry too much about sexual urges with their proclivity to impulsive action, and unlike Santa Anna, was not likely to have been caught off guard in  Sam Houston’s ambush while being cavalierly distracted with his pants down, bedding a mixed-race slave girl.

Washington rather, probably spent the winter at Valley Forge curled up with a good book.

Perhaps then, and because there is a modern wave of philosophy dedicated to correctly, or to  incorrectly revise history or in general to debunk the mythology of history, it would not be entirely inappropriate to begin the modern history of the United States by proposing that George Washington was not only the Father of his country, but that he was also its Mother as well.


Poor George. The big gun works fine but the little one only shoots blanks

Portrait from Lee Family digital archive


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